Here’s what I mean. What I want most for my people is deep and fulfilling intimacy with Christ that overflows into love for others in a way that pulls people into the family of God. However, looking back on my own life, the things that have drawn me closer to Christ were not my seasons of happiness, comfort, and success. Quite the opposite. Often it was the times of hardship, loneliness, or failure that deepened my relationship with him. Do you see the problem?

If God were to answer my prayers for what I want now for people, it could work against what I really want most for their lives.

In the book of Colossians Paul offers a better example of how to pray for one’s children or disciples. Instead of praying for worldly success for the Colossian church, Paul prays that they would have complete knowledge of God’s will, spiritual wisdom, and understanding (Col 1:9).

Rather than praying for comfort and ease, Paul prays for the Colossians to have strength from God, endurance, and patience to be faithful regardless of their circumstances (Col 1:11).

Instead of praying for happiness, Paul prays that they would be filled with joy and gratitude because they appreciate the eternal value of God’s spiritual gifts to them (Col 1:11-13). Furthermore, Paul desires that the Colossians would be “encouraged and knit together by strong ties of love” (2:2), have confidence in Christ and be protected from deception (2:3-4), and accept responsibility for participating with the Holy Spirit in their spiritual growth (2:6-7). Can you see the difference? Paul’s prayers are “what we want most” prayers. They’re for ultimate things. If answered, this type of prayer will result in disciples who are truly transformed into the image of Christ. In the process, they will have increasing intimacy with God and His people. The beauty of Paul’s prayers is that they are precisely focused, while still being marvelously non-specific. Because this is the thing about prayer: it’s not about us telling God what to do. Make no mistake, God is God, and He will bring about His perfect plan regardless of how on point our prayers are. No one’s life will be ruined because our prayers were misguided. (Whew!) Honestly, I think the real point of prayer is about joining my desires with God’s. Until I do, my prayers will be reduced to spiritualized attempts to control outcomes for people. When I unite my will with God’s, I’m able to release them into His perfect care and trust His process—even when it doesn’t align with what I want now.